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POSTGLAM

by Caro Shepard

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1.
Cynical 02:24
Maybe my brain is not as dark as you think it was Maybe I am just cynical, maybe that's not bad, it's not bad at all Maybe my head ain't alive or dead at all Maybe it's somewhere in between, where I don't have to think about anything Maybe my heart ain't the work of art that you said it was Maybe I am just body parts made to die and rot and feed other organisms
2.
Getting high and getting into the Cure A whole lot of shit we should do but we're not really sure If we're living it right, if we're really alive I've gotta find myself before I go out tonight Getting older but we're not growing up "Oh my God," everybody here is just so fucked up I am sick of getting wasted and dumb I wanna get over this, I wanna grow up I'm living a lie, saying I don't really care I just wanna relax, pretend that I'm not really there Getting drunk and now we're dancing around Everyone laughs like we are all fucking clowns We don't wanna die, but we're not really here Maybe death's the only thing that we don't have to fear And I'm not ever gonna die
3.
Ahab 03:04
Oh my God, what are we doing here? I've got a lot of things to say but I can't make them clear I just want to be at home alone with you But instead we're on the telephone, talking of all of the things we'd do I'm a ship sailing out to sea But I've lost all of my sails and now my rutter's floating free Could you be my crazy captain for a while? We could go on forever 'cause this trip is finally gaining some miles Come down Stay with me We won't be lonely anymore Come down Stay with me We won't be lonely like before Oh my God, what are we doing here? Because it feels like I am dreaming, will I wake up and realize that you're not near? So I pinch myself awake And call you and realize that this is better than any dream I'd make
4.
I've been moving for the longest of times I haven't done that much, I just need to rest my mind So I call and we talk about the stars I stopped smoking cigarettes, I stopped crashing my car Wasted, oh my God One more night like this again Wasted, oh my God Come with me and we'll go find a place Where we won't answer to no one, we can just go fly away To the mountains where we'll be free and wild We will never have to grow up, we won't have to lose our smiles Wasted, oh my God One more night like this again Wasted, oh my God It has happened It is happening again Amen
5.
Big One 04:03
I've got a big one, he bit me on the mouth Inside his old cage, he took the boy right out It's something freakish, it's something animal The keeper locked in, he's given all control But now it's no remorse God's stepping off her higher horse And coming down for tea I'm deep inside of me And I'm a big one I've got a bad one, she's such a separate mind I try to hold her, she comes out all the time Now it's not going back God's stepping down to lend her back And take me out for drinks It's a wicked kind of thing But I'm a big one I've got a big one, she's eating off my face And as she's gnawing, the blood pours out my veins I watch the TV just like everyone And she comes on out when that big man comes on And the screen goes black Where is God to lend her back? She's skipping out on tea It's a wicked kind of thing But I'm a big one
6.
Spaceboy 04:31
The stars don't look so different, but they lead to where you are I fell in love with Spaceboy and Spaceboy stole my heart And I used to be indifferent, but those were different times I've been moved and I've been changed and I've started to cry Oh my God, look at the sky and find me there Spaceboy put on his space boots and stepped inside his ship He was flying over Atlanta, when his rocket it got hit And he met me on the driveway and hugged me from behind And ever since that day Spaceboy hasn't left my mind Oh my God, look at the sky and find me there After a short while, Spaceboy put me in a chair He said, “Do you want to see everything?” I told him, “Take me there.” So we flew out in his rocket through the whole damn galaxy And I fell in love with Spaceboy and he fell in love with me Oh my God, look at the stars and find me there And we crashed inside that spaceship on Planet 39 The outside got so beat up, but on the inside we were fine And I promised dear old Spaceboy that I'd love him no matter what There wasn't any kind of changing that could hurt that kind of love Oh my God, look at the sky and find him there The stars don't look so different, ‘cause they lead to where you are I fell in love with Spaceboy, and Spaceboy stole my heart And I used to be indifferent, but those were different times I fell in love with Spaceboy, I am his and he is mine Oh my God, look at the stars and find us there
7.
Scrd to Dth 02:18
I'm scared to death of losing you Not for anything real, it's just the thing that I do My anxiety's got the best of me today I'm scared to death that you're gonna change Really drastically, not the natural way And it's fine, like I said, I'm sure it's not gonna happen at all I'm scared to death that I'm just a bore That one day you'll realize that you want something more "It's okay," you said, "That's not gonna happen to me" But I see it so clear, since I can't come to you That you will decide that this thing you can't do And I'm scared to death of when that day might arrive

about

Connected with a thin piece of string, frayed off from a five dollar blouse, weighed down by heavy eyelashes. Falling into confidence and slipping into a beautiful pattern and him close enough to dull Leviticus while he painted my cheekbones. I was emerging from the habit of secrecy between sips of warm tea on a hot night. I had wandered far into uncharted territory, but it was my territory, the space behind the trees which was yet to be explored. It was time human feet set foot there, the animals who lived there did not run away, but rather looked at me like they had expected my presence, shellshocked by the first sight of me. I was shocked too, that was never somewhere that occurred to me to wander, as it grew morning the woods here felt less evil, the monsters who earlier hissed at me now looked at me disapprovingly, but did not act on their aggression. I now have settled in, this will be written in my personal history books and I will recount the stories to my children, I will always reminisce about that era, now, in the post-glam.

- Luke Roberts, September 12, 2018

*

The rocket is more roomy than the ground we left from. But the hallway as you walk into the ship continuously gets smaller and smaller until you don't know if you can fit anymore. I've been in that hallway for a long time and this record is an attempt to step into the rocket. Hopefully it's as graceful of a jump as it is freeing.

I love you.

- Shepard Martin, August 18, 2018

credits

released October 12, 2018

All tracks written and performed by Shepard Martin
Recorded from October 2017 to August 2018

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Caro Shepard Decatur, Georgia

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